This post continues my 5 Reasons I Believe There is a God post.
Struggles With Belief
I was born and raised a Catholic, confirmation and midnight masses, all of it. When I felt sad or worried, reading the Bible gave me great comfort. But in all honesty there were a few tenets that I could not rationalize in my mind. One was the Trinity. I could not grasp this idea that God is One but also simultaneously three. It just didn’t tally with me.
Also, the idea that Jesus died for my sins and that I could do whatever I wanted to do so long as I loved Jesus because all would be forgiven. This enormous lack of accountability made no sense to me. I thought by this reasoning, someone who worked really hard to be a good person would always be the same as someone who messed up because all would be forgiven. Where was the motivation to strive in that? So through my teenage years, when I most needed the strength of faith, I struggled with my belief. Painful struggle.
I couldn’t find purpose. I had no direction. Loneliness engulfed me, suffocating every vestige of hope. Why did I feel so lonely? I had friends and family near. But somehow they weren’t enough. Something vital was missing. The absence was pervasive and all encompassing. I felt unmoored. Why? I wanted to understand. Something pulled at me, demanding that I reflect and ponder the purpose of my life. And when I turned from this pull, brushed it aside, I only felt more alone, flailing. Now I recognize that pull. From deep within, from the depths of my inner self, I felt a need to find my Creator, my purpose, a reason for all. And so my fifth reason for believing in One God is the negative impact that a lack of belief had upon me versus the serenity and purpose I found within that belief.
The gravitational force of the sun draws earth towards it, holding the Earth in an orbit. This is elementary science. I think the spiritual self is also pulled, drawn into an orbit. And that orbit is the Creator. Our inner nature is to respond to that magnetic pull, to explore the Source, to understand Why. And that brings me to Reason #5 that God does exist: the fact that I am inextricably drawn proves to me that the Source exists. I cannot be drawn to nothingness…I feel the pull and I ask why because the Creator is there to discover. And when I ignore that pull, I feel directionless and lost.
Please read my other 4 reasons in the posts linked below